rough time

[outlander]

Doea anyone get the feeling they are just too complicated for anyone else?

[Teej]

Me all the time @outlander. Did your appointment not go well? 

[outlander]

No not really @Teej i feel so complicated
For anyone to help anymore. There was alot i couldve talked about but also nothing either. I tried to talk about a few things like my dreams and how i wasnt coping as it was and needed help and i dont even know i got to where we were talking about but she thinks the only way forward will be exposure therapy so i have homework between now and the middle of feb to do.


And then i just keep stuffing up. Literally every where i walk theres this line of hate following me. It happened again with the friends i thought i had. Its me all the time.

[outlander]

We talked about some triggerring things in that session as well and the psych seen my 'switches' and how fast they happen. She said i switched from ok to anxious to shut down to anxious back to shut down quite a few times in that 45 minute session. So it made the day hard before i even got to the horses.


People seem to only tall to me too when they want something and i tried to break som of the awkwardness between me and one person and i dont know if it was me and the way i communicate or if they are angry at me and still hating me for whatevet their reason is.

[Shaz51]

hugs my sister @outlander

Hello @Teej, @Former-Member, @Sans911, @CheerBear

[Teej]

@outlander 

i might be jumping off track @outlander but for me over the 7 years I’ve had weekly (all but 6 months - no therapy) and twice weekly for 8 months therapy sessions I’ve definitely got to the point a few times that I’ve thought I’m too complex for therapy or that I won’t ever get it enough. I still have moments of those thoughts. Yesterday I had a breakdown over it. 

It it took me so many years (like 6 yrs) to even figure out what I needed from therapy. I have ideas now what that looks like but I’ve had lots of different therapy experiences along the way both good and bad that have got me this point. It’s not easy and I’d imagine really confusing when you’re young if you don’t really understand what you need. Heck I’m old and confused! 

This week i detailed to my psych a history of my experiences in mental health services. There have been some horrendous ones as well as good. I’m glad I’ve perservered though. For the first time I am about 99% honest with what I tell her. Sometimes it takes a long time to get to that point. I have had her as my psych for about two years and we are only really just getting started now. I also know that it has been different people for different things that have helped me from the forum to the helpline to therapy of all kinds and things like DBT. They’ve all helped  me in different ways. I know that I have needed it all. 

I don’t have it sorted and am a long way off it. My advice would be to not worry or get too caught up in what is right in therapy (says she who still does it constantly but am very slowly getting better at recognising it) and maybe just trying to work on things a little at a time without putting pressure on yourself. 

In regards to friendships it’s not easy. It’s also an area that I’m probably not the best to talk to. I haven’t made any new friendships for over 15 years but have my childhood friends still which is not that helpful for you. I think my son also explored this in therapy when he went as at the time he was struggling with it.  For him it changed his life but I know it’s not always a matter of a few sessions to sort it out, he’s a high achiever. Im wondering if that is something that you can research and maybe it’s a topic worth exploring on the forum. I know we had how to maintain relationships as a topic. Maybe that can be expanded to people responding to how they’ve made friendships in the past and what has helped. 

These are are my thoughts for now. I hope this is ok. 

[Teej]

Sorry @Shaz51 i spent so long responding to @outlander imissed your post. Hi 👋 @Shaz51. Just responded on the other thread but these are for you too. 

💜🤗

[Shaz51]

ohhhhhh thank you @Teej they are sooooo beautiful just like you xoxo

[Teej]

You’re making me blush @Shaz51 😳😳💜🤗☺️😚

[outlander]

Thanks you @Teej @Shaz51 ill be back in a minute just have to ring mechanic