Mother's Day blues

[Serenity1]

Not coping today 

i haven't been able to get out of bed & can't stop crying 

my daughter has been so sweet making me the nicest Mother's Day presents & she would not let me wait until Sunday to open them! Lol -I read the card & started crying- so she gave me a hand massage with the body scrub she made at school to make me feel better it made me cry even more-

i don't feel like I am a good enough mother to her 

i don't feel well & have no one to turn to for help-

i feel so depressed & don't no why- then I realise oh it's Mother's Day tomorrow- my mum was abusive & is now dead & I am trauma bonded with her - my adult son has been brainwashed against me by the entire family his whole life & I have no relationship with him as a result because he is abusive to me - my family is evil & I hate them- except for my daughter she is the one ray of sunshine I am living for - but my heart is hurting 

i had the worst insomnia last night because we visited my daughter friend from her old school-& it was a very unpleasant experience- every interaction with this girl & her mother makes me & my daughter feel bad about ourselves- so I don't know why I'm even bothering trying to keep up a friendship with them- well I do -for my daughter- but honestly from the moment we arrived & the rude flat mate completely ignored my existence & my child's existence - very triggering for me as this is what my family has always done- ignored my existence- to the boyfriend completely ignoring me on his computer & I'm just literally sat there like a fool by myself- to previously, the mum ignoring my txt messages- my daughters txt messages & making plans with us only to break them repeatedly & tell me they had a better offer- to giving her $10 for my child to get her sushi for dinner- yet my child gets home & tells me she only got TWO pieces of sushi for dinner because they all shared- & yet when I take her kid out for dinner she doesn't give me any money at all so I pay for her kid to eat- I tell her this when I drop her kid off - she doesn't thank me or offer me money- she has been rude & is mean to me infront of my kid & is rude & mean to my kid when I'm not there - my child has told me & also she is rude & mean to my child infront of me- & her kid is mean to my kid-I would never be mean to someone else's child in a million years-& especially not infront of the parent!- what kind of stu- pid is that?-what kind of stu- pid am I for allowing that & then trying to maintain an ongoing friendship??

why do I put up with this shiz? Is it because it's all I think I'm worth? Is it because I'm so used to being abused it feels normal & natural to me? I thought I was doing it because it was my daughters best friend & they had a special bond- but maybe I am just more comfortable with being treated badly than properly & nicely- I really think that is it!- I am so messed up. 

[Ali11]

Sounds like your daughter gave you some really special presents @Serenity1, what an incredible day that you must have. I can imagine how hard Mother's Day must be for you from your experience, however, it seems like you've created some new traditions with your daughter on the day before. Do you think that you would prefer to celebrate the day before, that way you can make it extra special for yourself and your daughter? 

[Teej]

Hey @Serenity1 ,

i hope you are having some nice moments with your daughter today. You deserve to be celebrating mother’s day with your daughter, it’s a day for you and her. I know you try so hard for her. She’s a lucky girl to have you. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Hi @Serenity1 ,

Your daughter sounds like such a treasure

I think you both deserve to have good friends 

Ive come on the forum this afternoon because I am feeling awful, in one way like you I’ve got to this afternoon & realised Mother’s Day is a real trigger for me. As is, Christmas & Easter & I don’t know why I don’t realise it until my brains like pea soup & then I realise that it’s probably been building on me all week.

i think I need to put a warning on the calendar for next year in advance .

I look forward to the promise of a start of a new week, take it easy on yourself & I hope you’re feeling better soon

x ox

[Queenie]

Mother’s Day..... sigh :skull_and_crossbones:😿

[Serenity1]

@Imn83 Thankyou that was very sweet - yes my daughter is amazing !😍
Sorry to hear Mother's Day is also a trigger for you- Xmas & Easter are for me also- wish I could just skip the whole holiday situation- but that is not an option when it is everywhere shops, schools, advertising- it is so triggering for ppl who have come from abusive & toxic families & it gets harder every year!- thanks for your kindness- sorry it took so long to reply- I have had a lot going on- but I really appreciate your comment it made me feel happy when I received it - so thankyou. 😊

[Serenity1]

@Queenie yep 💯

[Serenity1]

@Teej Thankyou so much! That was so sweet of you- I really appreciate your kindness & I was very touched & happy to receive this -sorry it took do long to reply 💖

[Serenity1]

@Ali11 Thankyou for your kindness- id prefer not to celebrate at all- but I will do it for my daughter- probably the day before would be better- Thankyou 💖

[Former-Member]

Hi @ @Serenity1  how are you? I didn't see this thread last year. Hope you're ok and things have improved? I just sarched  searched here for a  

 Mother's Day threads cause I find it a difficult anniversary myself. 

Hope you're able to get out of bed & coping better this year. And realise that you are a "good enough mother"  We're all hard on ourselves, especially when exhausted, but nothing replaces that love we have for our kids, nothing.  Even when they are gone. 

My mum was abusive & has now passed  too. She died 2018, cancer. "trauma bond" is a new concept to me, interesting. 3days before mum died, in palliative care, after I rubbed her back, she wouldn't look at me saying it but with pursed lips and harsh tone she did say "I do love you you know!"  It didn't feel genuine so I just stayed quiet. Probably should have told her I love her too, but hopefully she could see that in my actions. 

Maybe this year is hard because my son can't get to me even if he could get time off to travel. Re COVID-19 restrictions / closed boarders.  And I never forget my girl. She's close. I feel her 😢

STUPID MAN MADE DATES ON A CALENDER, WHY CANT IT JUST BE THAT!!!

Thinking of you especially this year @Sherry 💙. 

EOR