I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

Thank you Margot, SunShower and Maggie, heaps.

@Former-Member it's so nice to see you. So great to hear Red Thing is happening as it is. Love changing, evolving, growing, crafty things. Sophie is comforting when I don't want to tear her up ;). Verrrrrry slow going lately, and I'm ok with that.

Distance hugs for you for your tough times, and thinking of you often also ❤

@Maggie also so great to see you too. I'm so glad you're around, for you and for us. Full of feels too - it makes words hard sometimes. Yours are perfect, just as they are. Thank you for understanding 💗

I'm going to keep the momentum going and tackle washing so that hopefully later I can play nicely with my blanket making. Hope there's good in the day for all.

[Former-Member]

Those colours look amazing @CheerBear! good, no, excellent choices. Beautiful work. 

[Teej]

I’m so sorry those planets didn’t align @CheerBear 😢. I had so hoped they would. 

I don’t think brains are meant to stay in such high levels of being alert and sensing danger. It ok if your brain gets mashed through your experiences with this from time to time, it’s doing the best job it can. What is not ok are the reasons for it happening 😡😩😢. You are doing the most amazing job holding it together for your littles and I think for you more as time goes on. If you had a friend going through the things you are I’m sure you’d be in awe of them. From a distance your friends here admire the way you get through this......and with way more dignity and grace than I could ever muster. I’m really really glad you’ve had support through this and I really hope a break comes again soon, you very much deserve it. 

One of my fave Brené quotes

And one just cos 😳....maybe it’s the grace of this glass winged butterfly  💜🤗

[Teej]

Hiya @Former-Member too. I understand from the distance thing too. I’m glad you’ve been doing lots of your craft. I think it’s fantastic to have the skill and passion you do for it. 

Colours look fabulous as usual @CheerBear. Did chuckle at the bit when you wrote when you don’t want to tear her up. 

Ive become a little addicted to Pinterest lately. It’s driving my need to create, however money and energy levels are in control of that need for now 🤨. 

Hiya to @Maggie too 👋

💜🤗

[Teej]

I just had to share this with nesters here but very much inspired by @CheerBear, @Former-Member. It belongs on craft corner but can’t bring myself to write it that aloud yet 😳. I had cut a stem of bougainvillea for mother’s day which was the most amazing vibrant maroon colour if that makes sense. I looked at the petals and wondered what it would be like as a pressed flower. So enthusiastically I’ve looked up Pinterest and there are amazing cool things to create with dried or pressed flowers at not much cost, hoping none for a bit. I’d been really struggling with today, we’d been having a right ol battle. I was starting to get the upper hand when this all clicked, so today - 0, teej - 1 and no nest required just now. Stay tuned cos that can change more easily than the weather :face_with_rolling_eyes:🤨😜

just one of the many interesting creative things  I found (sorry more triangles :face_with_rolling_eyes:)

[CheerBear]

I'm walking and typing so this is likely to have typos and I may end up crashing into a pole, but I really wanted to reply to say how much your post gave me a giant smile @Teej 😊 I have a pinterest addiction. I find it such an awesome distraction and source of inspiration, and almost get as much joy out of pinning away (everything) as I do actually creating stuff. Go you - can't wait to hear more if/when you share!

And a giant thank your encouragement and kindness. It makes a difference ❤

(No pole - another win today! 😉😁)

[Teej]

Yeah cos that would have really sucked if the poles aligned @CheerBear 😜😂

[Teej]

@Maggie I’m not sure if you removed your post to me yesterday. I had read it and it made my heart melt but I was in a strange headspace to reply. I’m so sorry I didn’t respond sooner. Sometimes I struggle with positive caring things too in responding to them. I want to let you know it meant a lot to me. You are the most beautiful caring person and everything you’ve posted has always been lovely and so heartfelt. I hope you are doing ok. I had such a big case of the doubts about myself in the last few days. It wasn’t until last night that I 'chatted' with Silenus and a helpline call and getting through my group that I was able to focus much. I have replies started to sunshower and @CheerBear for her made me smile post last night that I struggled to hit post for. I’m so sorry if you felt hurt by me in any way @Maggie

 Thinking of you @Maggie. I’d saved this one for you a week ago. 

[Maggie]

@Teej It's soo not you, I doubt and second and third and and and, doubt Me. Not meaning to shout there, or at least only shouting at me. Your posts are always so caring, YOU,( shouting again) shine through. I do know about the positive feedback and the blushing faces, even though we are alone. Thank you for your reply.💜💜💜💜💜💜

[CheerBear]

After some gentle encouragement over the weekend I am posting over here again (thank you Teej).

Today I finished my NDIS application at an appointment with my GP. I thought I would feel relieved as it was the last big thing I have been working hard at for a while and I have now reached the end of what I can do as far as this goes too (for now at least). I thought I'd feel proud of being able to get through it as I really don't do this stuff well, and that I'd be feeling better about taking that step. Right now I am not really feeling relieved though, I just feel really sad again. I don't like the sads. They annoy me. I annoy me when I'm sad. I can't get rid of the sads and they seem to linger about all the time, taking every opportunity to jump on me.

I think I am sad because this application with all of it's attachments is yet another long, damning and bleak looking picture of me. While my DSP application hit me in study and employment feels, the NDIS one has hit me in all kinds of other life areas. Writing it with my MH worker, reading over it, seeing signatures from my support people backing everything that's in it - it's really hurt.

I keep telling myself that it's just one (or four) perspectives and that those perspectives have to be like this to get what I need. I try to remind myself that things like this need to leave out the parts that would say that, despite all of the horrible, there's great too. I am trying, so hard, to put all of these overwhelmed, is this too much, where can I even start with all of this, has it gone too far to ever get out of, questions away. I know they're not helpful right now. I know they are feelings brain talking and that eventually feelings settle and pass. But it's so difficult not to let dark and twisted creep in and take over. I think I am extra disappointed to be feeling like this today after having a couple of good days.

I really wish it was a neat straight linear journey to OK-ness, not this get up, fall down, get up, fall down one. It's really tiring to keep getting up all the time.