Everything music

[greenpea]

@Arbie_wun   when i am medicated is the real me but when i am not i am out of control demon.  i hear voices and get delusional.  i never want to go through that again or indeed put those i love through that again. you would not believe my delusions they are out of this world.  sometimes i remember but mostly i dont my pdoc says it is my mind protecting me from ptsd. my children and mother keep me grounded.  do you believe in evil? when i think of evil i think of hitler or stalin.    some might think i am but i am not really.  that is the scary thing i am not evil.  i never wanted to hurt anyone or anything. it was like a altered reality.

I once saved a woman who was being robbed in broad daylight by some street thug. does someone evil do that?  hitler loved animals, bundy volunteered for lifeline ..... life is complex.  people are complex beings.   

[greenpea]

@Arbie_wun @Glisten @StuF @PeppyPatti @TAB @Meowmy @Clawde   good afternoon everyone playing this police song again for G as it is new for her and i love it so much https://youtu.be/YVgWQyGOTvk?si=bghMyNO7gaEMhWqn

[Glisten]

@greenpea absolutely 💯 % correct.

@Arbie_wun my ex has NPD.

A coercive control abuser, with a gambling addiction. Just married his new meal ticket and future victim.

But he is brilliant at his job as a union organiser.

As @greenpea said, people are complex.

[Arbie_wun]

@greenpea I know that I am not evil but aspects of me are.  Hitler and Stalin had good moments too, and I know that sometimes the bad is something I don't like because it is really horrible and nasty to people as well, and I don't like being that way at all.

[Arbie_wun]

Feel good tune for the afternoon... 

[Marzey]

@Arbie_wun I have a very unique position on what's going on with you at the moment.

She is my best friend in the whole world. She never deserved to go through all that you did to her at all.

However...I can see how much you're trying to better your life and ever prevent hurting someone or even yourself again.

She's doing well. Has a huge support system around her.

But we also don't want her to go through what she did a few years ago. Her ex husband has NPD and what he did made national headlines.

Try and give her as much space as possible and please don't lean on her for too much support because we don't want you to revert back to the dark side and become what you were. She has a fiance and kids.

I think though that you're doing amazing and keep up the good work ok.

At least you can see your faults and are willing to fix them.

[greenpea]

@Arbie_wun @Glisten   Arbie_wun i think everyone to certain degrees has evil in them which they control over a veneer of respectability.  then they (me and others) have evil thrust upon them through mental illness.  what did they say about the holocaust that it was the ordinary form of evil that was so scary.  all the good people were in jails/concentration camps whilst all the evil people were in power. 

@Glisten  G my mother always said never marry a gambler! i am glad you are free of him.

[Arbie_wun]

@Marzey I never knew that I hurt her so bad, I never wanted to hurt anyone at all.  I am a kind and caring person but that other side of me is an asshole who I think has grown from a variety of trauma.  I am now working hard to remove that person.

To be honest I never knew her full past until recently and that made me feel even worse about what happened.  I am glad that she has that support around her including yourself, and I know she is well protected by those who care about her.  I never intended to cause the pain that happened and believe me I am working very hard to rectify that situation.

I myself have a messed up past and it has altered my thinking and caused some of my troubles. I onlya knew some of her past and wasn't fully aware of the more intricate details until recently. I know that what happened hurt her more than I ever understood at the time because of that, and I really feel terrible about it because it hurt more than her and I really want to remove that side of me for good.  

I will do my best to not lean on her or add to her pain, she has helped me so much recently to understand things from her point and that really has been a motivation for me to get better even more.  I want that part of me gone completely so it can't hurt anyone.

[Arbie_wun]

more classic music for us to move to!

[Arbie_wun]

feel like I need this one sometimes!