Just checking in.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Well said @Zoe7  ^^^^

[Teej]

Yes please @Faith-and-Hope  re the article. 

It is a bit like how you described @Zoe7  but kind of not in a totally  negative way. I’m try to find out literally what I can do and what makes me, me if that makes sense. I have no clue what to pursue, every few days I change direction/goals/dreams and flip so much. I don’t think anyone else here flips as much as I do. I think maybe it has come about from growing up a chameleon, melding myself with the people I was with. There isn’t much teej all on her own. Between that and being too bloody sensitive i don’t know how to explore who I am in a meaningful way. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

There is a lot of that in me too @Teej, and having to fight for my identity, or what I thought it was, has helped me shore up what I want to be, what I want to believe in.

Finding a list of personality traits, you can begin “shopping” them ..... as in, do I want to be an honest person ?  Do I want to be a charitable person ?  Do I want to be an artistic person ?  What do these things look like ?  Is it okay if I’m not honest / charitable / artistic all the time ?  Can I have “days off” ?

This might be a good thing to start exploring, on paper, with your counsellor.  You might find you have more pieces to fit together than you thought ..... and they don’t all have it be activated / active at once to be in there.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/James-Marcia-and-self-identity/

The same issue of being a chameleon comes up in terms of trying to establish an art style @Teej, but I still prefer to view it as a strength.  It is a strong empathetic ability.

[Zoe7]

Yeah I get that @Teej I understand that you never really had a place that you could just call your own in the world - that you had to change to suit others or the situation you were in - all that certainly does not allow for a very strong self-identity to form. 

When we have not been allowed to just be ourselves and find exactly who we are it does have an affect on how we see ourselves - and from what you described you certainly did not have that opportunity to just be you. 

It is hard to find your place in this world if you do not even know where you want to belong. Is this something you have been talking with your psych about? It is certainly a good conversation to have with them.

In saying all that I can also say that you have a place here - you not only belong but give a lot back. You show us who you are in the way you write - you are caring and funny and always find the best images that show both of those sides. You allow us into your life by sharing your struggles and you wins and both of those we learn from. I also think you know yourself very well - you know when you need a little time out or time to collect your thoughts. That is self-awareness Teej. It may feel sometimes like you don't know what you are doing but the simple fact that you can say that to yourself is also a positive.

[Teej]

@Zoe7 , @Faith-and-Hope I’m trying so hard to work through this with my psych but I’m feeling a bit lost with it all in my sessions. I’ve been so honest an open about stuff but I’m either not getting it or maybe she isn’t, or maybe she is and it is going to be a slow process. I feel very little and lost with it all. 

@Faith-and-Hope  I started to read the article but am getting really tired. I didn’t get to sleep until 6am this morning and then had about 3 hrs of very interrupted sleep. I’ll read it in the morning. 

Thank you both for what you have written. It helped to read it. It also maybe helped reinforce some of the messages my psych has been telling me. I find it hard to believe her about this stuff sometimes. 

Night night. Sweet dreams to you both 💜🤗. I think I’m over and out for now. 

[Zoe7]

I think it is important that you tell your psych exactly where you are sitting with all this in regards to how you are feeling about your sessions and that you are feeling a bit lost with it all. It could just be a slow process @Teej - sometimes these things are but don't give up - we know that you have the strength to move forward even if it is in baby steps because we have seen so much growth from you over the time you have been here. 

Goodnight @Teej Sweet dreams Hon 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Goodnight Hon @Teej .... 💜🌷💜

[Teej]

Hey @CheerBear  if you are around. How are things? I’ve just woken up 🤨. Had the weirdest dream about being in respite. 

[Sans911]

Morning @Teej @CheerBear

[Teej]

Hiya @Sans911 , how are you today?