Just checking in.

[Maggie]

Thinking of you too @CheerBear @Teej 

[CheerBear]

@Maggie and @Zoe7 thank you ❤ Thinking of @Teej also 💜

I'm checking in. haven't been feeling very well and I'm finding it hard as there's a huge part of me telling me I need to stop complaining and to just get over myself. It's saying that I am annoying, that no-one cares and that there's nothing that anyone can say or do to help anyway. It's making me not want to leave the house and it's telling me some of the dark and twisty stuff that tricky heads say. I am posting here to tell it to shut up and to remind myself that I don't need to listen to everything tricky head says.

I'm not loving where I have been lately and how quickly it's turned. I'm feeling like almost everything is a huge effort and little has a point to it. I can't work out whether it's just a tricky time with explainable reasons for the tricky and I need to do no more than push through it. Or whether it's a run down/burnt out kind of thing, where it could be helpful to listen to my brain and body when they are telling me to stop and shut down. Or whether it's something more sinister like the claws of depression trying to take hold, in which case actively challenging and ignoring the "shut yourself down" voice would be the way to go. I'm getting stuck trying to figure out exactly what is going on which is making it hard to know what the right way to move through it is. I've been annoying the crap out of myself and feeling peeved that I haven't been able to shake it off or figure it out. My up and down-ness really can drive me bananas 😑

The good right now is that on paper this week ahead looks a lot easier than the week or two I've just done, which was full of stuff I'd like to think would push lots of people. My GP and psych have suggested I take sleep meds each night for a while to try and force reset myself, so maybe that will start helping soon too. I have a some decent down time this week and heaps less crackers to manage, so I have my fingers crossed that things can be more OK again soon (that's the plan anyway 🤞).

Sending my ❤ to all. Thanks for listening if you have.

@Maggie Love that stone. This one from me today (not mine but I have been big canvas dotting. Paint has been a little rainbow in my storm 🌈)

[Zoe7]

There is a lot of pain and sadness behind your post @CheerBear and maybe it is that you have reached a burnout point, maybe depression lurking it's head and maybe you have just had too much on your plate lately - whatever the reasons Hon you are doing the best you can with some very tough thoughts and feelings over the past few months. It does catch up to us and although we sometimes say we 'just need to get over things' that is not always easily done. Do not be hard on yourself for feeling that things are bonkers for you - life sometimes gets in the way of looking after ourselves and you have certainly been doing a lot for others. 

As for no-one cares CB - that could not be further from the truth - your family cares, your supports care, and we care - the you that we love here is the authentic you and with that comes considerable compassion for others ...sometimes that can be to our own detriment so it is time now you look after yourself. Getting sleep with a little help as your GP and psych have recommended is a good start. Having some down time this week can also help - we all need to recharge our batteries a bit at times and with all that you have been enduring lately it is good that you have this time to yourself this week.

You will find your way but that often needs a little time - allow yourself that time, reach out for your suppports and go easy on yourself. ...and know that we here are sending our love and support also 

[CheerBear]

Thank you @Zoe7, for listening and for your kind and caring words.

I felt frustrated reading back over my post because it seems to me like I'm always saying things along the lines of there being a bit going on at the moment or that things are tricky lately. If I'm always saying that, then maybe there really isn't any 'at the moment' or 'lately' to it. Maybe there isn't ever not 'a bit going on' or a time when I'm not finding something difficult :face_with_rolling_eyes:😑 When I am feeling OK tough feels like a sometimes thing, but when I am not feeling OK it feels like an always thing and it's easy to feel over it when it feels like an always thing.

As for reaching out I've been in that place where it feels annoying to think of doing. On top of feeling like I should know better, I get the question "how can I/we support you?" a bit and it feels really frustrating because if I knew what the answer to that was I'd be doing it myself. My psych is super helpful and has told me to call him if I need which I thought of doing last week, but it felt like there was nothing he could say or do anyway so it seemed pointless.

I'm venting. I know you've been in this kind of funk before and I know I have too. I get that things change and that funks are not forever, but it is hard to work out what's true and what's not when your head seems determined to grab on to the twisted bits 😏

[Zoe7]

From my point of view @CheerBear you have had a lot going on for sometime and that is draining. Just because you feel like you are often saying 'there is a lot going on at the moment' does not mean that there isn't Hon. I think you have been doing really well with everything that you have had to deal with and it has been a constant battle for you to juggle so much. I honestly do not know how you do it sometimes but you have been and that is a testament to your strength  That does not mean that you don't need a break though - we can only sustain that kind of intensity for so long until something breaks - so give yourself time this week CB ...do something nice just for yourself 

We often feel that slide happening but also feel powerless to stop it. The positive here is you can see that you are not okay right now - the harder part is finding ways to bring yourself out of it. It is good you have your psych to fall back on but I understand that 'pointless' feeling also. It is sometimes hard to vocalise what we are actually feeling and why - I get that. Reaching out here is a good step - you are putting some of it into words and we are definitely here for you. It is not easy when you feel a bit stuck but remind yourself that you have (and are) dealing with a lot of really big stuff and it is okay to take a break from it all both mentally and physically for a while.

Life, in all its forms, can be draining at the best of times CB so give yourself a break when you can 

[CheerBear]

😘 thank you for very gently challenging my it's all bad grrr-ness @Zoe7 ❤ I really appreciate it. I'll try and remember to read that again when I need to.

As a total random, I have been trying to work out a paint related issue (which is probably my nice-thing-for-me thing). If you don't mind, I might ask whether you know the answer as Google isn't my friend with this one. I'll drop off my question on 'through ones eyes' maybe. Totally OK if you aren't up for answering or don't have time.

Big ❤ and thanks again

[Zoe7]

@CheerBear 💜💙💚🧡💛

Happy to help with your paint thing if I can CB 

[eth]

Dear @CheerBear  I'm hearing you and here for you too.  Very much hope you can have some me time this week.  You've really earned it over recent months.  Sending love and hope your way 

[CheerBear]

Hey @Gazza75 👋❤

Thanks @eth. I really appreciate it. Beautiful flowers too, thanks ❤🌹