Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

Yay for forum power @Zoe7 😊 I can relate one of the benefits of being here in practicing self care on the forum and then being able to put it more into life beyond here. Fab that your psych is so supportive of you being here too. Mine was happy to hear about me using this space also 🙂

[CheerBear]

Hey @Teej. Just checking in as I'm thinking of you wondering how you're doing, though understanding you might not be up for or wanting to reply. I'm thinking it might be pretty hot where you are and hope you're staying cool enough. Lots of 💗 to you.

[Teej]

Hiya @CheerBear and all passing through.

yep it’s bl##dy hot here. Was ok but it didn’t cool down enough last night so house is hot 🥵 

I’ve not written much because I’m really really confused at the moment about everything. I’ve tried a few times but get angry and frustrated at myself. I’ve been really struggling with words too, even just trying to talk to family I have to stop half way through a sentence and tell them I can’t finish it as I’ve forgotten. It’s very frustrating. 

Im quite twisted up re therapy as well. I do t know how or what to talk about or why. The Centrelink/job network bus has thrown me big time. I’ve spent hours trying to work out how to go forward but have also got scared about facing some things which feel bigger than I can handle at the moment. So that’s whiny whiny me, trying so hard to find forwards but feel like I’m stuck in reverse :face_with_rolling_eyes:. Have slept a lot too..... opposite to you.... lots of emotion sleeping I think and the heat. 

Sorry that I haven’t been even following much, my brain won’t even let me do that grrr 🤦‍♀️😬. 

[CheerBear]

Great to hear from you @Teej, even if you are struggling with words. I've heard about the heat where you are and how full on it is. The not cooling down overnight is the worst I think. It makes for lots of tired, cranky and over it.

Very much understand how that bus would have thrown you and how now things that might have felt big feel huge and too hard. Hoping for you that with a little time it will calm enough to be able to make sense of things a bit more and make your way through them easier. Can your therapist help with how and what to talk about and why?

Not whiny and no need to apologise. You have to do whatever is right for you.

Big hugs ❤

[Teej]

Thanks @CheerBear. I think there are some very big for me vulnerable things that I need to talk about but am so scared to. They are things that are different to anyone on the forums that I have found and I hide under so much shame for them. I’ve been hiding and avoiding these things for years and struggling with the shame. I haven’t been honest with my psych about them yet and if anything bravado has been sneaking out to hide them again. I am paralysed now because I thought I had time to bring them out when I felt ready with my psych. I am petrified of her reaction. 

Mine small part that has hit home lately lots is that for many people on here they want to return to how they were before MI. I don’t because I hated old teej as much as I hate this teej. I need to create someone new but I don’t know how to do that. I thought I’d maybe started the first baby step but the centrelink thing is hanging over my head now threatening everything that I was beginning to understand. I tried to talk to my old therapist last week and she just thinks I need to apply for the DSP and buy the time I need but I am petrified that that won’t be an option. I guess you know how much that whole process messes with brains. Centrelink are supposed to be arranging a new job assessment capacity but I haven’t heard from them. 

Another rave away. How are you.....and cute kittens 🐱🐱

[Teej]

I finally got words and thoughts out 😜. A small win 🙌

[CheerBear]

Yay for words @Teej! 😁😘

I have caught on to there being a part of Teej that's very hidden and wrapped up in guilt and shame. I don't want to push but do want to lend an ear (some listening eyes maybe) and a shoulder if you feel like it would be helpful to vent and share sometime. (Adding in that I totally understand you might not want to talk or talk here. It would be very hard to keep that kind of thing inside but also be so scared of bringing it out - that's a lots of ❤ for it one). I hope one day there is some relief from it all for you.

It's no wonder that sometimes you get stuck and lost when you dont have a Teej in mind that you'd like to strive for 🙁 Then add in the horrible, smashing up that all things c-link can be and so much ugh. I really do get how much it can mess with your brain. Where I am with it is a massive relief, but often I wonder when it will be taken, when the next curveball will happen. My insides jolt when I get a letter from them. It's very yuck. I reeeeally hope someone somewhere can help you and soon.

As for me, I am pretty good thanks and in cat heaven now 😊 I think you start going full cat lady once you have three 😉 That's what everyone is telling me at least lol. Littlest addition is so gorgeous and I'm loving seeing the love and play happening with her and the crew. It makes the headache that is separating hissing cats and trying to block off tiny hidey holes where kitten can disappear into, worth it 🙂

[Teej]

Yay for being ok for now @CheerBear. Yay for having the patience to deal with 3fish and 3 cats. Aye you’re a better woman than I 🤗. 

Was this your order? 

💜🤗😘

[CheerBear]

Looking forward to seeing your pic when it is up @Teej. It's feeding time at my zoo now (it definitely feels pretty zoo-ish at the moment!) so I'm going to head out and do that, hoping to get back in time for Topic Tuesday 🤞

Great to see you ❤😊

[Teej]

Am heading to my parents for tea and kind of dreading it now too @CheerBear, different kind of zoo 🤦‍♀️. Catch ya later. 👋🏻