How to best deal with the trauma of psychotic hallucinations?

[DownMoreThanUp]

Hi to those who have more know how about this than i do.

The last few months i been having increasing trauma memories of a horrific hallucination i had in a major psychotic episode more than 15 years ago. Which, to my horror, has me relive the whole hallucination at times, as if i am having it again. Only compounding the trauma. (i lived an unspeakable catastrophe affecting all of humanity from a bird eye perspective.) 

i think the dramatic reason for the increase has been because the horrific hallucination i lived then, is much more easily to happen today than it was then. At the time, i really struggled with it, for it seem so real, but after carefully researching the danger and  thinking and talking it through,  i let it go, for i thought i dealt with it. And indeed i had not thought about the hallucination experience for years, until a news report triggered me big time, as there is now almost daily increasingly more chance of such a disaster to really happen, and the trauma memories have triggered big time.

How best reverse the trend, so i can reduce the mounting anxiety?

[Ru-bee]

Hello @DownMoreThanUp 

I'm hearing how frightening this experience is, both to be reliving this hallucination and to have the existential fear that this event has become something that could more plausibly come to pass as time has gone on. I do believe that this sort of existential fear is having a greater impact on our mental health as a community and is certainly something that could be worth unpacking if you are able to do so in a safe way perhaps with a psychologist?

Have you been able to share this re-emergence of this anxiety/trauma with anyone else?

[Dimity]

@DownMoreThanUp if I'm troubled by traumatic memories including but not just remembering old delusions it's usually when my overall stress levels are high for other reasons. 

My strategies are to try dealing with or avoiding the other stresses, increasing meds either prn or on advice, being very aware of how I'm tracking with sleep patterns, and trying to divert my attention onto other activities. Regular exercise and eating well help. I'd also suggest limiting your exposure to triggering news sources. 

Good luck, I hope you can get on top of this without it escalating. Sometimes for me it's ended in a new psychotic break necessitating a reset of meds or hospital stay. But I'd been OK for a very long time until a recent crisis so hopefully the risk has diminished. 

[DownMoreThanUp]

i just talked about it with my wife [edited by moderator]. i had told her before but not how the trauma /horror effected me. i also wrote to someone who has been supporting me, though i know it is far above his level of expertise to help me.

However having discussed this with my wife has already given me a much clearer perspective of how to deal with it.

i should not any longer suppress the memories, but rather reevaluating my responds to the hallucination i made at the time. And so see if i can make new determinations about it that will not keep harming me but produce a productive response. Easier said than done, but i have little choice.

[DownMoreThanUp]

You are right my friend. i'm right down on sleep, which cannot be helped in the short term, for i have been through a very stressful two months. i'm sure such is fueling these trauma memories to be so intensive right now.

Thanks for the perspective and sharing your ways of dealing with such times.

[tyme]

Hey @Dimity @Ru-bee , the posts above are for you.

@DownMoreThanUp , if you want to tag an members into your responses, just type "@" in front of their names e.g. @tyme 

That way, they will get a notification of your message.

[DownMoreThanUp]

@Dimity@Ru-bee@tyme

Thanking all three of you.

When i wrote this message this morning i was speaking out of my fears, rather than reason and logic.

Your sympathetic replies, along with discussing this with my wife, and writing to my support person, helped me along calming down.

i have much more perspective now, than i did this morning. For i had not really related many of my psychotic hallucinations to be traumatic, but i know quiet a few have been very traumatic indeed, but i kept denying myself the trauma, saying to myself i was out of mind at the time, and that therefore what i experienced wasn't true or real.

Weird how i would think like that, for i know it really was traumatic. And that when i relive those memories, they are again. This is why i kept pushing them away.

Yet somehow it did not click until last night, and then this morning, i again ran of with them. And i realised that i have had many trauma memories about this particular subject the last few months -- and increasingly so, and increasingly worse, yet i had kept pushing it away.

This realization had me seeking help.

Thanks again.

[Dimity]

I'm glad reaching out and sharing what's been happening for you has helped a bit @DownMoreThanUp . Your wife sounds very supportive.  The forums help too.