Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Hi @WgA-IM , 

How are things going for you today?

[WgA-IM]

It's been an up and down week w late nights and rules ignored BUT coming home to sleep, and attending school.

Small wins are a new focus.

Trying to redefine 'ok'.

• Thanks for checking in @tyme

[tyme]

That's definitely a win. For a teen to have late nights and be out AND still be going to school is HUGE. 

Does the school have any supports in place for your daughter? @WgA-IM 

[WgA-IM]

yes, absolutely @tyme.

We had a suicide attempt late last year, and the team looking after her were great, making recommendations for a reswt space, need to leave pass etc.

It's still a struggle getting her to stay though a whole day (think 40+ texts), but it's a delicate balance of support and boundaries trying to make it to the end of year 12.

The social interactions are complex, and extremely volatile, and obviously hard for her to manage. But also a great practice ground for life beyond the support and predictability of school.

[tyme]

I'm so glad to hear things are in place for her to be at school. @WgA-IM 

It sounds like you are doing your level best to support her as much as possible. 

Now it's about riding the waves 🙂

Please know you are not alone. As hard as it is for us, I can only imagine how much your daughter is hurting inside. So much so she feels she needs to lie or not come home.

This is not a reflection of you or your parenting. She needs time to find herself and find her feet in this world. It's not that she won't make mistakes, but she just needs to now that you love her.

I left my family when I was 17 years old. I moved out. This was not because I didn't love them or that I hated them. I moved away from them because I didn't want them to see how unwell I was. Thinking back now, I must have broken their heart. I came home once every so often, but I'd never sleep at home. I was filled with guilt and I was an emotional mess.

This continued until I was about 26. Then, I REALLY moved away - moved interstate completely and didn't talk or speak to my family at all  for a number of years. In that time, I needed to stop blaming everyone for my problems and instead take ownership. After moving away from everyone and everything I knew, I thought I could have a new start... but it didn't take long for me to realise that I was the problem.

Only then did I reach out for help. 

So here I am. When I was mentally more stable, I started reaching out to my parents. Now, I see them once every so often as I'm still interstate. But we have a much better relationship now.

It took me nearly 20 years....

BPD is a slow moving condition. It takes years to develop and build up, but it also takes years to be in remission.

But there is HOPE.

[tyme]

Hey @WgA-IM ,

How are you and your daughter going?

Thinking of you and hope you are okay.

[WgA-IM]

Thank you.

Riding the roller-coaster, of emotional turmoil, impulsive decisions, reactivity. Some days are better than others.

Being regional, we are realising the most effective treatment options for bpd focused DBT therapy (combo 1:1 & group sessions, every 1-2 weeks for 6 mth period), available in capital cities is not available further afield. Trying to manage the extreme financial burden of private practice psychiatrist and psychologists, while trying to source more affordable,  accessible treatment also.

I appreciate you checking in.