Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

[Teej]

I think you are doing all the right things @Faith-and-Hope . I think if you can hold strong for as long as possible using your great diplomatic skills things will change because they will have to. I'm talking about perhaps you staying put if you can cope with it because I doubt other parties involved will cope over time and think it's weird. It's not your choice to do this so staying in a home designed for family sounds like that is your choice. 
I know it will p,at out terribly through courts. I was told to trust the system and did and it's been ok (although the occasional hiccup). Please make sure you have every detail down in triplicate from your lawyer before signing any consent orders. I'm finding the hard way about this now. It will still work out ok but has added a last complication where the funds are now frozen in trust until it's sorted. 

lastly make sure you get the superannuation you are entitled too, not the one that feels right. I didn't because I didn't feel it fair but just now I can tell you I wish I had. 

The kids will be ok. It will feel messy for them too but over the course of time they will work out what is what and what is B:pile_of_poo:. It might take a while but eventually B:pile_of_poo: usually shows itself up. I'm finding this out now. 

Lastly kick his behind by completing those studies to the best of your ability and have something to look forward to in your eventual new life which I can assure you will be liberating after all you've been through over decades. There was an article on women our age in the paper the other day talking about the freedom and self assureness that comes from not having a partner. I know it will open many doors for you, ones that you should never have had to open because of his behaviours but ones you richly deserve. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks so much @Teej .... I need people calling to me from the other side of the gulf .....,

I have been chatting on LE forum, but I am going to drop an update in here too -

D2 has been trying to tell me something since I picked her up from WH this evening.  The pieces finally slotted together .... and the knocks just keep coming .....

What she is saying is really going to devastate our kids.   After spending years working on her language production, it's inconceivable to now try to tell her not to speak out about what she is doing with her day, telling her news.  And she shouldn't be asked to keep secrets anyway.

I can't spell it out here, because our kids need to hear about it first .....and I can't be the one to tell them.  I can't be the one to keep unpacking their dad's :pile_of_poo: and delivering the blows on his behalf ..... (which also fits with the not-diagnosis 😣, setting things up so other people are doing your dirty-work).  I am going to have to wait until this makes its own way forward, but it will blow the whole charade he has presented as truth right out of the water when it does, because it doesn't figure.  At.  All.  It shows up that everything else is a lie.

No wonder WH was feeling so unwell the weekend he left.  This is not something that can be sustained.  It's gonna blow ...... he must know that .....

[Smc]

@Faith-and-Hope... I've got a sneaking suspicion. But at the same time know that my suspicion isn't the only possible "bombshell". Will be thinking of you lots. Secrets, with a few rare exceptions, tend to turn poisonous. Getting it all out in the open will hopefully be for the better long term, but ooooh it can hurt in the short term.

[Faith-and-Hope]

The kids are so vulnerable right now @Smc .  WH might be staging things in part because of that, but he is still moving waaaay too fast.

Support people / teams are starting to fill in around us, and I have to trust the timing will be right for the kids to be properly supported through the next "bombshell" .... and any that follow along after it, because I have felt from the first reveal that the "new" relationship is not new at all.  If I am right about that, there are likely to be more reveals lined up behind this next one.

[Smc]

@Faith-and-Hope, there's the massive driver in NPD that any relationship is only valuable for as long as it's a pedestal for the person's ego. So sadly, it follows that multiple relationships are a bit characteristic. It sounds like his mother has been an ongoing "pedestal" for him, and probably his doctor who thought his lifestyle was such an improvement in fitness, but without you supporting his behaviour, it makes horrible sense that he would go looking for other female "pedestals" to fill in where you were supposedly "failing" him. Very supposedly. NPD people are very deeply damaged, and I so often have wished that our ex-friend could have seen the wasteland that she was turning her life into... but if they see any critcism as a withdrawal of ego support (their perception of "love"?) rather than the constructive warning it's meant to be, you get shut down and shut out.
I'd be watching your kids very carefully... they are another of the NPD pedestals, and yes, very vulnerable. Maybe D2 particularly so, because she would be easier for him to manipulate. 😞

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think D2 is the key to his validation in our arena at the moment, and key to keeping the other kids connected ..... that and control of the $$$ .... another glaring characteristic as I understand it.

And yes, multiple arenas appears to be part of the web, for the reasons you have supposed ..... there is no acceptance around "working on the o relationship" or "problem solving" ..... it's their way or the highway, and they don't want you solving any of the problems they are deliberately creating ..... that is not the purpose behind creating them ..... so invalidation follows all your best efforts in that direction, with accusations that you are hen-pecking everything they do ......

So much clarity has come pouring in around this understanding of what we are dealing with, and evaporating the clouds of confusion that have been ruling our lives for the last few years.

[Smc]

I well remember the bewilderment of being in the middle of it. I'm still kind of incredulous at what happened, both with us and with her subsequent "pedestals", but yes, the further you move out of the blizzard, the more you can see what it's actually made of.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Blizzard is right @Smc ..... can't see clearly two feet ahead, confused, struggling against constantly raised hurdles and high velocity changes, and trying to locate a path forward through the chaos while nursing emotional injuries inflicted through blindsiding.

[Smc]

😞

[Shaz51]

sitting with you and sending you lots of tender hugs @Faith-and-Hope