Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Elizabeth72]

Hello,

I am in fear of my husband who has lapsed into alcohol again and his meds are either not working or he isnt taking them.

He gets really angry easily .Has never hit me but his energy is violent….

Just really like to share/ chat with others who understand.

🙏

[tyme]

Hey @Elizabeth72 ,

I'm sorry to hear what you are facing right now.

Do you feel safe at the moment?

Does your husband have any supports in place, or is he willing to get in touch with people who may be able to help him?

You should not have to feel threatened or frightened in your own home.

If in danger, please contact 000.

[Phoebee]

Hello!

I have just discovered this site and wanted to reach out to people such as yourself experiencing similar situations.

I understand exactly how it feels to live as though you are walking on egg shells out of fear of how a partner presents themselves or may react to any situation, especially when substances are involved.  Would you mind me asking what his meds are for?

My husband has had an adult diagnosis of ADHD and BPD and is trying to adapt to meds and that alone is difficult enough but when alcohol is added to the scenario it changes the whole dynamics.  The energy is scary and you never know how it will play out.  I unfortunately do have some horror stories that go with this but my aim is not to scare you.  I would like you to be aware that if you don't feel safe then the best thing to do is say little and distance yourself in a safe and subtle way as best you can.  Don't make the mistake I have and think you can calm the situation or hang around for "their" wellbeing.  You can't reason with those types of situations.  Just give them some space for their interest and your safety.   Doesn't necessarily mean you have to pack up and leave unless that is your intention of course.  Some breathing space as a first response has proved to be a wise choice from my experience (which I learnt the hard way and wish I had done so sooner).  This option I found doesn't have so much guilt and mental anguish attached to it because it is a short yet smart solution.  No drastic measures or overthinking required.  Go for a walk, call a friend and return later when the storm has calmed.

Hope this brings some comfort.  Happy to talk more with you.

Love and Light - Phoebee

[tyme]

Hey @Phoebee ,

Welcome to the forums. It's good to see you around. I read you are navigating your way through BPD and ADHD in terms of your husband having an adult diagnosis.

I hope you are able to reach out if you need any supports. I have BPD, and I know first hand how stressful it can be for the person as well as those around.

I'm happy to answer any questions if you have any.

tyme

[Phoebee]

Thank you Tyme.  Appreciate hearing from you and thank you for offering support, especially yourself being someone who lives with BPD.  Having your insight is so valuable and important. I understand how complex BPD is and am actively learning as I go - as is my husband, although naturally tougher for him to learn given the nature of it.  

Love and Light,

Phoebee

[tyme]

When you have time, feel free to have a look through:

1) Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

2) Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT 

The above may be helpful in navigating supports for you and your husband @Phoebee 

[Phoebee]

Thank you! I will check it out.

[tyme]

Hi there @Elizabeth72 ,

I hear there can be so many complexities in terms of your husband's mental health.

How have you and your partner been travelling lately? Any improvements?

I look forward to hearing from you

tyme