when is it time for hospital

[outlander]

I suppose the safest option atm is being on here. Going to join u in the friday feast since itll be your last 😞 @CherryBomb

[CheerBear]

Hey @outlander. Just popping in as I said I would to see how you're going? How were your tacos? I ues to LOVE tacos.

You asked what we had for dinner. I made LF chicken schnitzel and I had eggplant pizzas. So easy - slices of eggplant baked then topped with basil, cheese and tomato. It was really yummy too!

I'm going to make a cup of tea and keep working on this blanket of mine so I can show you all a photo soon. Half watching a movie with little fish while I do, although it's one they've seen 624million times so there's less 'watching' and a lot more 'listening to them quote it word-for-word'.

💗

[CheerBear]

Ues - that's a new one! Haha

[outlander]

so iSmiling on the outside
but shes fine right?
A silent tear runs from her eye
but she just wishes to fly high
if you could only see
then you might know how it feels to be me
her heart is beating but its dead
shes lost inside her head

I am far from ok

@CheerBear 

sounds like a good dinner- yeah tacos were ok and nice use of words or ues as you say. i didnt eat much i dont have much of an appeitie and its the first thing ive had all day and the mostt ive eaten in a few days

yeah i my little sister is the same im sure i know the words to most of the movies she watched so i tend to just do something else ehile shes watching them

im completley exhausted and shattered

[CheerBear]

😞 @outlander such a sad poem. I don't know what it is like to be you and won't ever know what it's like. I guess no-one can really ever know what it's like to be someone else though, even if they're right in front of that person.

I do know that right now you're feeling shattered and hopeless and burnt out. I also know what that has felt like to me and for me those feelings have been behind some of my biggest challenges. I wish I could wave a wand and fix it all for you, and for all of us who go through big struggles. I wish I could say that it will get better soon. I can say that it will change though, in one way or another it will. Things are never ever exactly the same from moment to moment. You're already a moment older than you were a moment ago. You're now a moment more experienced at living than you were a moment ago too. Things always change. Sometimes when things have been really tough for me, it's one of the only things I can hold on to - that it will change.

I am thinking of you outlander, understanding how tough it is for you right now.

[outlander]

Oohhh @CheerBear these feelings are so hortible.
What your saying about never knowing what its like to be soneone else and also about everything changing from each moment.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I know going to this retreat is the right thing but 4 weeks is too long and i dont know everythings pulling me back
I know i should be calling someone even as we speak but i cant.
This is some very scary things and i understsnd jow serious it is. Thats what scares me even more. The unpredictability of my mental state is quite concerning esp acting on the bad impulses without even thinking

[CheerBear]

@outlander - when you say you know you should be calling someone as we speak, that sounds to me like speaking with someone right now is the right thing to do.

I know you said you can't, and I know how much it feels like you really really can't, but I'm sure there have been many times when you've felt like you really can't do something that you've then shown yourself you actually can. Maybe this is one of those times? Maybe not this exact moment, but this challenge you're working through.

[outlander]

I dont know @CheerBear

I need sleep but i need to know if my sisters are ok.
This is seriously killing mr being so torn about wbats wrong and whats right
And knowimg what's right bit not being able to do it.
The thoughts are switling around and im fighting them. So im pretty much using my only 2 coping strategies that i can without enticing myself to sh or to let the thoughts run wild or land on anything specific so im listening to music and trying to focus on the words. Or i flick onto here and have a chat

[CheerBear]

They sound like good things to do to get through @outlander and it seems to me like you're doing the best you can with what you have right now, which really is all you can do.

I'm going downhill fast with this bug thing. My ear hurts and I'm aching everywhere now. I'm going to go to bed and try to sleep it off I think.

Night Outlander. Wishing you well for the rest of the night 💗

[outlander]

Thanks for being here @CheerBear Hope your feeling better soon 💓 💓