Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay, I'll try to stop saying sorry. 

All good. Do you know if they are on YouTube at all? 

Oh, okay, yeah, I will mention it tonight. 

One of my meds was increased a few weeks ago because of blood levels. I think this is more deep-rooted things going on with the rejection and all that. 

So maybe if people weren't me to me when I was at school. I might not be as sensitive, do you think? 

Yeah well if it's the other team I probably won't say anything and esoeccaily if it's a middle age man. 

I might if they go for Carlton or something. 

Yeah it's just this period I'm lonely I have a class next Friday but that's only two hours. 

I'm not crying anymore, so that's a positive, I guess. 

I'm going to have a shower, so I'll be back in a bit if you're still around. @ENKELI 

[Birdofparadise8]

I didn’t have one @ENKELI 

@motivation is too low and I am so hungry.

i have no energy im exhausted 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 ooh, no definitely don't speak to an older man, ewww!! Lol! And if they are on the opposite team they must be banished. 

I have a bit of a fondness for Carlton. I had a friend of mine in my 20's who was a mad Carlton fan. At one stage I lived on Carlton place and she always threatened to steal the sign. She swore one year she wouldn't wash her hair until Carlton won a game - thankfully she was only joking!

Every time I think of Carlton I think of her. She and I were really good mates for a time.

I'll have a look and see if the documentaries are on Youtube and let you know. I had never seen them before, I was on Tubi looking for something else and they popped up.

Next Friday is a ways away, what plans do you have for the next couple of days. Have you got a book to read or any TV shows to b*nge watch?

[Birdofparadise8]

Carlton is a good team! 
@Snowie goes for them too @ENKELI 

Okay that would be great. 
yeah exactly that’s a long way away. Tomorrow night football, Saturday for two hour the uni brunch. Sunday nothing, Monday my one hour call with khl, Tuesday I’m seeing the older person, Wednesday psych for one hour and then Thursday nothing. 
In between than, uni work, tv, music, reading, swimming. 
and hopefully talk to someone here. But if not I won’t talk to anyone other than parents. This is a time when I would need RO as well. 

there is so much time in there where I’ll be sad and alone. 

how long are you going away for?

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 oh yeah I know that feeling. Have you got something yummy to eat? 
Motivation is something I struggle with. I hope you get over the lack of motivation, from my own experience it adds a whole other layer to the issues we suffer with mental health.

I will often spend the entire day doing nothing, lying in bed playing on my tablet or watching a movie and then I will feel guilty that I have wasted an entire day. I then get an anxiety attack and start stressing about how I am not working and I should be applying for jobs and doing other things like house work etc.

If you can find ways to work through the lack of motivation I'd love to hear them. I need as much help as possible!

[Birdofparadise8]

I got a burger and chips for $10. Being a uni student, It's across the road. 

Sorry, I have no clue. I don't even know why I have no motivation today. It's like everything has just hit me. @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 how was the burger?
For some reason I thought the footy was on tonight, duh! 

You're probably right, everything has hit all at once and your body is reacting with fatigue. 

I have realised I've only just started the new medication and it can take 2 weeks to kick in so I need to be more patient. 

It's like I have lost the will to do anything these days. Everything is a chore. I hate it. 

What else do you have on tonight?

[Birdofparadise8]

No tomorrow @ENKELI 

It could be. So much has happened in the past two weeks. I would feel sorry for someone who isn't depressed, let alone depressed as well.

Oh, I'm sorry, I hope the meds start to help. 

No, nothing, maybe cry some more. I'm so not going to be okay. 

I'll miss you @ENKELI 

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 I'm still around tonight and I'll check in on you over the weekend. I'm leaving around lunch time tomorrow and then will be back on Sunday. And there will be other people around to keep you company I'm sure.

Would it be worth catching up with your aunt and uncle over the weekend maybe?

You are stronger than you think you know. You go to footy games on your own, a lot of people would be too scared to go alone and there you are, stepping out, catching public transport alone and going to watch a game you enjoy. You need to pat yourself on the back for that, you brave woman 🤗

Just give yourself permission to feel sad and overwhelmed. Own the feelings you have and tell yourself that this is normal and that the feelings will pass.

What are things that make you laugh? Or make you feel good? Have you got any decent spicy books to read? 😏

[Birdofparadise8]

Thanks @ENKELI 

I thought you said you wouldn't be around, though. 

Yeah, well, I think a lot of others are going away. You know there isn't any PSW on over the easter break. 

Lol, no, it's too late to ask now. They would already have plans. They are very busy people. You have to plan like a month ahead these days. 

I could ask, but if I do and they are busy, I'll get worse. And please don't say what if they are free. I just don't want to go there. 

Thanks, @ENKELI, that's kind of you to say. I'm not like scared of getting hurt I just don't like people very close to me like on the trains or moving around the stadium.

Yeah, my psych said emotions last for like 90 seconds. I couldn't believe that. I still don't know I was sobbing earlier. 

I really don't know. I've had some SI @ENKELI, ahh I was hoping this wouldn't happen again. 

Why is it that when others do something to me, I have to pay the price for it? I don't want to be suicidal yet we are here. 

Yes, I'm reading Pucking Around. I dare you to google it and go onto TikTok on Google. You don't need an account, by the way, to have a bit of a search. Or even youtube it. Let me know what you think.

Also, you said you're leaving at lunchtime. What would that be like here? The footy is at 4.