Lived Experience Forum

[destructive]

I should preface this with that I am not in imminent danger..

but I am having increasingly bad thoughts and feeling like I'm drowning in a pool of dread and loneliness but because I've felt more or less this way to some degree for the good part of 2 decades people don't take me seriously anymore. I'm not sure what I really want them to do I taking me seriously because I never want to be in hospital. I just feel like they think I've survived like this for so long it can't be that bad. I think I need more help, more regular help, but a) I can't afford that and b) I work and have a baby. I need a break from my job but I can't do that either, and I need someone to ask if I'm ok every now and then. Just a message- are you ok? Because I'm not and I'm scared. Sometimes I get asked if I'm suicidal and it's not that easy a question to answer and there is this stupid rule that you need some detailed plan to be a real risk but anytime I've gotten to that final tipping point I've not planned it out that way. I don't know how I get people to get it and even if I do how I get any more help anyway that is t hospital 

sorry, just needing to not feel so scared and alone

[bipolarbunny]

Hi @destructive I'm so sorry you are going through a difficult time right now.

I can definitely identify with the loneliness and feeling like no one is taking you seriously. I guarantee you everyone on the forums will take you seriously and we will hear you and support you and always respond to your posts. It sounds like you are under a great deal of pressure, balancing work with a baby. 

You mention that you need more help but don't have a lot of money. Have you tried asking your GP for a Mental Health Plan? You would receive 20 Medicare counselling sessions with a psychologist. And now with Telehealth you can do those sessions from home to make it easier. 

I will tag in @TideisTurning who is very knowledgeable and may know of other services that can help you. 

Please take care and be kind to yourself, sending you lots of light and love xx

BB 🐰💙

[tropicalsun]

Hi @destructive,

A quick message to let you know we are sitting with you. If you would like to chat with someone, please contact the Help Centre.

Thinking of you,

tropicalsun

[destructive]

Thanks @bipolarbunny  i have already used 11/20 sessions but still costs me around $80 out of pocket so can only go every 2-3 weeks. Feel like my psych is one who doesn't think I'm that bad maybe. I mean about having bad thoughts. It scares me because I don't always feel in control of myself and that can change within a minute.

@tropicalsun  thanks. I find it's hard to get into the chat center sometimes 

[tropicalsun]

Hi @destructive,

I am glad to hear that you try to get onto chat. Please keep trying, as soon as a counsellor is available the chat will become available.

tropicalsun x

[bipolarbunny]

@destructive This is probably going to sound like an obvious question but have you expressed your concerns with your therapist?

I know how difficult it can be to confront certain topics with your therapist, I have been there myself, but at the end of the day you are paying them to help, and if you don't feel they are taking you seriously maybe bring that up in session. Or find someone else who will help. 
I've had 4 therapists during my time, two were total lemons, one even called me a quitter (judgemental much??!), but two were unbelievably helpful. My current therapist is a clinical psychologist and he has helped me so much and restored my faith. He is the first to say I am paying him for a service and it's his job to deliver. 

BB 🐰💙

[bipolarbunny]

@destructive In the meantime if you ever need an ear to listen, or to vent, or to not feel so alone, tag me in, I'll sit with you xx

Take care xx

BB 🐰💙

[Bow]

Hey @destructive  I think I get that dark and lonely place your talking about. It's a scary place to sit in day in day out. I don't really have many words tonight I'm really sorry. It's a hard place to be in and to put words to, but I get it. 

[HenryX]

Hello @destructive 

Hi, I'm another person to tag as well, when you want a chat.

I usually check in around 9 in the morning W.A. time and in the evening. So if I see that you have tagged me, and we are on at the same time, we can catch up.

Best Wishes

HenryX

[BraveOne]

@destructiveHow are You today ? Are You Ok?

reading your post from yesterday I getchya. Feeling so alone and scared is bloody  awful . I really see the depth of tenacity you have though to have been going through this for so long. I too live with this everyday. its a painful way to be.  getting through my day Im like wow got through another one.. dont know how ...dont know why at times too. Finding lately what sustains me ( without judging myself ) and doing more of that is  giving me ground and space to Be .

For now I am with You in this place you were in yesterday shared in your post. Sending you kind thoughts  that today is a new day and youre navigating your way through this.  May the sun shine brighter in your world and You feel the warmth of its goodness today.