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Something’s not right

LostAngel
Senior Contributor

Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

I so need to rant right now its ridiculous but here goes,I wish I didnt think so much,I wish I would let my gaurd down more with the people I like,I wish I didnt treat guys so bad,I wish I didnt have anxiety about sex and believe me I do want sex with the right Guy buy everytime I feel I want to get Intimate with a guy a feel so so bad for him having to deal with all my negative emotions,my fears,my worries,of which most of those worries are baseless Im an Adult and Can take Care of myself in all areas of my life even sexually cause Guys for some reason do find that part of me appealing the part of me that is so strong yet so weak the part of me that screams silently for affection yet pulls away from affection at every opertunity,the girl who for some reason cant make her mind get into the riight frame of mind to just breathe,live in the moment and spend time with a guy she likes,the part of me that says I want you but then pushes them away when they want me,Im a grown woman I am strong and weak when it somes to everything at the moment wether it be sex or responsibilty or physical comfort or how I treat people so badly because of it because of how I want to feel so much yet my mind switches off and goes on autopilot and tries to control everything that it cant control my mind for some reason lets fear takeover,worry takeover which in tern causes stress to those around me stress that ruins the momment,stress that ruins my fun and the guys fun,how do I make myself not afraid of what I want,how do I make myself not afraid of what I need how do I learn to let go of fear,let go of worry,let go of anxiety,and just trust my instincts,trust myself fully,in order to fully trust someone else I need to let go of all the negative,let people in i want to let people in emotionally ,I need to have a sense of freedom and pleasure but Im the one that stops myself in my tracks,I have to let go and allow myself to feel and listen to love not fear,listen to positive not negative I need to Trust,Let go,Listen,Give and Take equally,I need to ballance so that Im not either too clingy or too distant,I need to relax,I need to breathe,I need to feel,I need to live,I need to just beSmiley SadHeartHeart

17 REPLIES 17

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

sorry if this subject offends anyone on the forums,also I shouldnt ask but can any female online forums members give advice about how to get contraceptives to prevent pregnancy as one my biggest fears is becoming pregnant because of fooling around before marriage Im thinking of definetly booking an appointment with my female doctor to sit down and talk about contraceptives,also and this may be really overstepping asking for support but can any fellow forum friends give advice on Dominemt/Submissive type relationships if possible as the type of relationship Im proceeding into is A Consensual,Dominent,Submissive relationship it is very much shaping up to be exclusive in nature.hope asking about this on here does not offend anyone or triggor anyone

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

You're reminding me of attachment theory. But, I've been seeing it everywhere since I found out about it. Sometimes intimacy is hard because of the desire for intimacy (and stuff like that). Co-dependance is bad but inter-dependance is good (and I think that's basically the only difference). At the same time independance changes from situation to situation. That's the stuff I think to make that kind of stuff kind of easier to think about.

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

I think that @wellwellwellnez is a very perceptive person.

 

I have to be honest @LostAngel , sex and sexuality is not offensive in the slightest, whatsoever. It is healthy, and a human need. But all of your posts seem to be about, not so much about 'hooking up', but avoidance. 

 

Its hard to live with a mental illness, I get it, I totally do, but you need another focus.

 

Why do you funnel all of your energy into finding a man?

 

And my 2nd point is, instead of 'ranting' at forum members, why don't you engage in a conversation or a dialogue?

 

That way, you may make some inroads in your intimacy problems. You say that lots of men are attracted to you because you like to play hard to get - to be honest, I would run a mile. The constant rejection is not a game. I am not an object to be played; I am a person. 

 

Corny 

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

@LostAngel and @Corny, thank you for sharing your experiences and opinions. We can all have such different fears and views around sex and relationships.

 

@LostAngel, talking to your doctor about contraceptives sounds like a great idea.

 

@Corny, I wonder if you could explain a bit more about your understanding of @LostAngel's behaviour as "playing hard to get". Sometimes a bit more context can avoid any potential misunderstanding. A bit more explanation around your questions and what prompted them might also be helpful. 

 

@LostAngel, it sounds like this part of your life has been really challenging for you - wanting to be with someone on the one hand, then on the other hand feeling such fear and wanting to run away. Thank you for being honest and open in sharing this.

 

@Corny, would you feel comfortable to share something of your own learnings and experience around intimacy? I think sharing bits of our own experience, good and bad and however small, can help us all find new insights 🙂

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

Well, @Corny I can't speak for ms Angel in this case. But, I have been self-identifying as avoidant lately. I'm guessing you've tangled with avoidance before and, yeah, I think I get it. Sometimes ranting is easier thn engageing. I know it shouldn't be. And, I definitely know it poses its challenges.

 

Still working on the problem and the solution. It just feels like that's the way we have to do it for some reason.

 

I'd say it's not about funneling everything so much as manageing expectations in a disproportionate sort of way, or something. I wish I had better answers.

 

I know we're hard to reach. But we're just as lonely. There's answers but its tricky.

 

Sorry for hi-jacking your thread, @LostAngel . I just had to jump in. I don't know how may avoidant traits you have, but I gots all seven (lucky me (lucky everyone)). This feels like it could be a whole other thread.

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

Thank you for welcoming me back into the healing circle this Sunday morning @wellwellwellnez @LostAngel @Acacia . My darling little sib is here in my bed with her dog as I puppy sat last night while she went out for some drinks with friends. I was having the craziest dreams. Man, it was wild. And quite a hoot, I must say. There is a sweet harmony to her snore. 

 

Everyone needs that friend in their life that calls a spade a spade. 

 

I just think that young women and young men have to be very careful when it comes to online dating. I interpreted it as an online dating thread. I think people with mental illness have to be particularly careful with online dating! There are so many creeps out there, and if I see someone straying towards danger I will speak up. 

 

I'm actually not avoidant. It must be so snug in there, I wish I was. I am pathologically the complete opposite. I have always been very self effacing, and that is why I seem to attract women that are too lazy or too avoidant to get their own therapist, so I become it. 

 

In terms of the 'playing hard to get' comment, its a real sore point for me and I was projecting my own childhood trauma/neglect onto @LostAngel . I apologise @LostAngel . I think it triggered in me feelings of neglect, especially as it concerns affection. My sibs and I are all naturally cuddly people and we didn't get it. We missed out entirely. It goes really deep, and I feel in physical pain when I am rejected that way. I would have a nervous breakdown if I was in a relationship like that. The constant rejection is too close to the bone.

 

I have to chase the dog......

 

Bye

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

I think you could be right about attachment theory @wellwellwellnez Im am very avoident of guys but also just people in general Im even avoident with my own family who knows maybe Im Bipolar or a bit toxic myself,Im a person who doesnt like to be wrong and wants to be in control sometimes too in control of situations with people,I judge and miss Jude people alot,even before giving them a real chance to do something right or wrong and so yeah,I do reject people but it does feel more like Im rejecting myself maybe Im projecting rejection onto others who knows

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

@Corny I funnel my energy into finding a man cause Ive never had a real chance at having a man,I get very lonely and feel Im at the age where Im looking for someone,its also about emotional and physical healing and comfort for me I need the Physical and emotional connection with a man because up untill now Ive never had much experience with guys at all Ive missed out for years on having that type of an intimate connection and affection from a man,My mother was the one getting the guys all the time after my father passed and I was just expected by her to become the mum of the family while she went out living like a teenager all over again and to my mum she made my role be mum while she was the one having fun going out and doing all types of things with guys as a grown woman she was reliving her teen years after dad passed and I was left to pick up her failed responsibilities as a mother,to her two youngest kids as I being the eldest was expected to hold things together,my mother put herself out there with men,while she rejectected my need of male companionship even going as far as discouraging me and telling me lies over and over again which I believed cause she is my mother,and she would say to me point blank that I will never get married and no man would want me in other words that she was the desirable one and yet I was not desirable in mens eyes simply because she had the control to somehow Judge me as having something wrong with me,that there was something inherantly wrong with me so that ment I didnt have a chance of meeting someone because she said I wasnt going to meet anyone so thats how it then happend that I missed out just as my mother wished for me to miss out,yet I had to watch as she boasted about the men she was seeing yet always discouraging me from having male compaionship myself,my mother rejected me alot,it was infact emotional control and emotional abuse

Re: Lost Angel needs to rant about Anxiety,Sex and Overthinking how she treats people

maybe I need to be physical with a man as a form of therapy it feels like a kind of therapy in a way and yes maybe men should be running the other way as Ive been treated as an object myself years ago by a male member of the extended family,I dont wish to treat men as objects but I probly do ,I feel a bit upset to be honest about some of either @Corny  or someone elses comments on here sorry im not sure who else it is but yeah almost crying here to be honest,this stuffs being brought to the surface,I might actually need a good cry ,I do feel like Im treating men badly probly using and rejecting them as Ive been used and rejected and hurt in the past,maybe all of this stems from rejection,my mothers rejection and also past sexual abuse by a male family member combined has maybe done something to my brain,emotions and ability to form relationships romantic relationships,also I know I shouldnt just rant but Im putting preasure on myself and working through these things on my own I expect myself to figure it all out for myself

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