03-11-2019 04:10 PM
03-11-2019 04:10 PM
thats alright @Everan if I thought I could help I would try to
03-11-2019 04:13 PM
03-11-2019 04:13 PM
That's alright it was good to hear 🙂 @TAB
03-11-2019 04:14 PM
03-11-2019 04:16 PM
03-11-2019 04:24 PM
03-11-2019 06:08 PM - edited 03-11-2019 06:09 PM
03-11-2019 06:08 PM - edited 03-11-2019 06:09 PM
Hey @Everan
interesting topic youve brought up. Like you and many others I get triggerred by others in many different areas too. Its really great that you can recognise this and what your needs are ie needing to feel in control of the conversation. Anything out in public and even worse crowded places can very easily send me into a spin too.
When it comes to conversations its tricky to anticipate what the other person/people may say and we cant really control that. I guess one thing to possibly look at is to explore the reason why you need to control things? For me the control comes from my past and having no control in any of my situations (or not a lot of choice) this in itself felt relieving to know I wasnt just a 'control freak'
I often listen more then I speak,im naturally a quiet and shy person so its not all the different to me to listen rather then speak. if its a topic im not comfortable with I wont say much unless im asked or if I feel strongly about whatever the topic is. Im pretty good at changing the topic in subtile ways or ending the conversation if I really need to. Im not a liar persay but when it comes to my anixety I feel ok saying 'im really sorry but I need to head off now, I have an appointment to attend but it was nice catching up with you' is often an acceptable way without feeling like your cutting them off or being rude. If I get to overwhelmed I either shut down or everything I say comes across as being abrupt or very rushed/stuttery so makes me more embarrassed then breaking away from the conversation.
As for some other ways to cope, its about what works for you. Breathing and being mindful of that is a great place to start. For me when im really anxious I tend to fiddle with things so I generally wear a ring that I twist around my finger as something to help manage the anxiety without making to too obvious.
Hope this helps abit and that you find what works well for you
03-11-2019 07:27 PM
03-11-2019 07:27 PM
Hi @outlander
Thanks for your help 🙂 It's good to hear from another persons perspective, which helps me to work on it. You have helped me understand about triggers. It's a battle. Lots to think about.
03-11-2019 07:36 PM
03-11-2019 07:36 PM
Thanks for the tag @Everan
For breathing is a thing too, so I am often regulating breathing in the things I do, like walking, singing playing recorder. I used to swim.
Re control; I can only control my side of things, so try and keep that going well.
I can be too quiet and too talkative. I have listened a lot. Getting the balance right is not easy, but lately has been working out better. For a few years I have "practised" conversation on the train with random people. Often I will open but not always. Lately, somehow I have been in situations where the people around me have more in common with me and the conversations go deeper and flow better. I try not to have a fixed idea of an outcome. I am lonely, and most chats dont amount to anything, but I try and just leave things as natural.
If people are attacking you in conversation, it makes sense you will feel defensive and want to re-establish control. I have not had a lot of luck with those situations, though they still come up as I am in social activities with a wide range of people and stuff just happens.
Great to read everybody's responses.
Hope today goes well.
Apple
05-11-2019 05:44 PM
05-11-2019 05:44 PM
Thanks so much @Appleblossom.
I just logged on and wanted to thank you for your words. It is particularly busy at work and will get to have a look on the weekend 🙂
16-01-2020 03:44 PM
16-01-2020 03:44 PM
Self help
It’s working
Plan for sleeping too long
I swim for 1/2 hour and reduce sleep by 2 hours.
Plan for getting triggered.
I find that i need to stop being triggered by interactions with people. I find that i get angry and hold on. I now know that i need to exercise restraint as soon as a start to get angry and be patient and develop tolerance. I need to practice breathing. I also to say i forgive you to set myself free when it builds up.
If you have any thoughts please post away @MDT @Shaz @Appleblossom @greenpea @outlander @Queenie @TAB
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, support, and referrals, contact SANE Support Services
SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE - ABN 92 006 533 606
PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053
For 24-hour telephone crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14
If life is in danger, call 000
Lifeline South Coast would like to acknowledge the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as traditional custodians of the lands where we live, learn and work. We pay respect to Elders past, present and emerging, and value the rich history, culture and ongoing connection of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people to country.
Lifeline South Coast is committed to embracing diversity and eliminating all forms of discrimination. We welcome all people irrespective of ethnicity, faith, sexual orientation and gender identity.
Lifeline South Coast would like to acknowledge the lives that have been lost to suicide. We are committed to supporting those with a lived experience of suicide and aim to reduce the stigma around seeking help for poor mental health and suicidal crisis.
Lifeline South Coast | ABN: 16 968 890 469