Lived Experience Forum

[empem1108]

Hello,

I wanted to reach out for any opinions or stories to share on this subject. Three and a half years ago I had my son and the pregnancy was normal and smooth. Once I gave birth I became very ill due to my CPTSD showing its ugly head. My partner and I decided it was time to try for another baby about a year ago. I do not have a problem getting pregnant but find as soon as my hormones start to change I become very very mentally ill.I have had three misscarriges now and am so so sad that this condition is stopping me from doing what I want to do in my life.  All of the horrible symtoms come back and I find myself not coping with the day and sleeping all the time again. My condition causes me to be constantly dizzy due to the intense effects it has on my brain and this came back too.

I would love to hear some insight from other mums or dads as I am struugeling with my emotions because I feel I will not be able to have another baby and for some reason it is hard to grasp. It is not a must to have another child for my parnter and I. This just makes me feel like a failure. Thankyou for your comments and advice 

cheers.

[CheerBear]

Hi @empem1108 and welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry to hear you have had so much trouble with pregnancy and your mental health. I can see how going through what you have and thinking about the future might lead you to feeling a sense of failure despite you not being at fault for what you experience and go through. It sounds very hard for you.

Pregnancy can be a hugely challenging time for mental, emotional, physical health etc. under the best of circumstances. It's extra tricky when it triggers mental health issues or makes existing issues harder. Do you have much in the way of professional support you find helpful? A GP, psychologist, psychiatrist?

I don't really have any advice but wanted to come by and say hi. There are lots of parents on the forum who have experience living with mental health issues as well as people who live with PTSD. I hope you find it helpful to be here.

[Former-Member]

Hi @empem1108 Sorry to hear what you’re going through. 

I have struggled with CPTSD for most of my life. It became worse when I was pregnant 20 years ago. 

I was only able to have one child due to my health/CPTSD etc. 

Hope I’m not causing you to feel worse, but wanted to say, hi, I understand. 

I would have loved to have another child, but I know I wouldn’t have coped another one, at all. It’s been a huge struggle with just one. 

I love her with all my heart, but it’s emotionally draining. 

I wish I had something positive to say to help you. I am happy to chat if that helps. 

I’m just about to try sleeping again. Took sleep meds hours ago. Still awake. Another half should do the trick. 

Might catch up with you another time soon, if you like. 

Maybe when I’m not feeling so exhausted I will be able to think clearer on some positive helpful hints. 

Night night. 

Nice to meet you. 

🌷🌺🌸

Hi @CheerBear 💜💖

[empem1108]

Hello, Thanks for messaging me :).

I appreciate you being honest with me and telling me your story. I totaly understnd the tiredness you are talking about. When i was looking after my son when he was a baby I just constantly felt like I could not get enough sleep to be able too look after him and other symtoms of ptsd. At the time i didnt know what was wrong so it was very confusing. 

Since then I have been diagnosed and have had treatment. I feel like I would be able to look after another baby but am so scared my mind wont let me. 

I get so angry that someone else was able to shape my future. 

I have not made the decision if i wanted to try agin in a few months or not. I realy really appreciate your words though. Its nice not to feel so alone.

[empem1108]

Thankyou for your response, 

I have not been to a doctor yet because I have had alot of trouble with doctors filling me up on meds everytime I go see one. Im not interested in medication. I tried some for a while and it made me very sick. 

I am keen on having another baby even if i do get sick at least this time round I know why and my parnter is good at helping me cope and ride the wave. I am prepared for not being able to have another child but man it would be nice if i could have one more go. I really love being a mum. My son makes me so so happy and makes me feel good enough.

Thanks again for your words I really appreciate it x.

[Former-Member]

Hi @empem1108 That’s good that you have had some treatment. And I hope your decision becomes clearer to you. Indecision is hard. 

I know what you mean about medication. I’ve tried so many anti depressants and they all caused me to feel much worse. I have found a sleep med, finally, that helps mostly. But I can’t take it all the time. I have breaks from it. I also have emergency medication for when I really feel like I have to take something. But I prefer not to, as they make me feel so tired. 

Anyway, I will catch up again when you feel like it. If you want to chat, please tag me, otherwise I probably won’t know you’ve messaged me. 

If you press @ my name should come up. Just press on my name. Hopefully that will work. 

I haven’t had much sleep, silly me had pudding with too much sugar in it. I can’t have sugar. Keeps me awake. 

 Off to doctor later. 

For my daughter and my test results. 

Not much else planned. 

What about you?

🌸🌺🌷☕️