Walking on the road to recovery ........ 🤔

[Teej]

PS I’m heading off to bed now, so tired. I hope you sleep well and likely to catch up tomorrow 👋😴🌙✨ @Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think I can do that day-to-day @Teej ....thanks.  Sort of like living in a bubble for the day .... a painting day ... a sketching day .... a do-something-for-D2-day .... but can’t make plans beyond the short term because nothing is properly stable ... like it’s nomadic.  At least there is a lot to explore here, lots to do and see, and ready public transport, which I am enjoying ...

It actually feels like I am slowly piecing back together who I was before the w.h / e.d. tsunami hi-it .... starting to think about my own tastes and interests .... and enjoying having blue hair for the moment .... 😏

[CheerBear]

Dropping off a bucketload of these ❤ @Teej. I lost a reply to a post over there ➡️ when I didn't push post, but that's maybe not a bad thing now. Little bit by little bit and gently as you can (note to self too).

Thinking of you 💗

[Teej]

Recovery sucks :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳

my latest thoughts on recovery are about how important it is to know yourself really well. My latest lots of implosions have come from lots of 'I’m supposed to be'.

I’m supposed to be doing better as I know I’m on the right dose and kind of AD

im supposed to be doing better because I’m getting out of the house more and conquered new challenges. 

Im supposed to be doing better because I feel supported 

I’m supposed to be doing better because there are no real big stresses in my life just now.

but that’s not how it works. My brain gets so hooked into these things until I implode. The final reality check came yesterday when I was refusing to feel hot because the weather was meant to be cooler. My plants didn’t need water because it was supposed to be cooler. By the evening I was sweating like mad and my plants were shriveled because my brain got caught into the supposed to be and not what is. 

Today im supposed to be at group but I couldn’t do it. I need so desperately to sort some things at home. Does anyone else fight this kind of reality? 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yeah @Teej ....I call it getting p*ssed off cos things are not the way I planned for them to be, and it sucks ..... then I tell my Inner Critic to get into the back seat and stop giving me a hard time cos i’m not perfect, never claimed to be, and perfect is not what I want cos it’s not real ..... I just want to be okay .... and that means dropping the ball sometimes .....

So when you drop the ball, tell yourself you’re on track to being okay .....

💜💐💕

[Teej]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope.

had just got myself in all sorts of tangles. Wanted to delete all my posts and was self destructing but just got 'readjusted' (or possibly re-ajisted 🐎😜) from a helpline. 

My final point of despair came last night when I couldn’t sleep and kept getting woken up from ants on an ant trail across my bed and flies in my room. I realised I’m pretty much in hell and needed help to get my head around addressing this. I’ve been spinning in circles all morning. It would be helpful for anyone to check in at some stage if you’re up to it. I think I need help to stay focused to get this done and my bedroom manageable and hygienic again. I would freak out if my kids lived like this or anyone else. I so need to clean it and make it hygienic again because it’s just not. 😒😱☹️🤦‍♀️

[Faith-and-Hope]

How are you going with your room @Teej ?

Ants first ?

[CheerBear]

I wish I could take a photo of my bedroom to show you it @Teej. The rest of the house is ok but it's 😮 It's on my to-do list tomorrow. If you're working on yours tomorrow maybe we could encourage each other?

Your "I'm supposed to" seems maybe like my "shoulds". I should... This should... It should.... It drives me mad. I drive myself mad with it sometimes. So much of me knows that it's unhelpful to think like that, and that giving myself a break and being gentle is what could help. I can tell myself those things but sometimes really feeling it is another thing though. Wish I had an answer.

Do have lots of these for you though 💗 and lots of wishing that there was a lovely smooth upward line for recovery rather than all this jumbled up wobbly business (turmoil maybe?)

Hugs

[Teej]

Well if I wasn’t quite so distracted writing a speech to @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope I’d be flying 😜😝. Only joking. I have all the towels that were scattered on the floor in the machine and just finished as I hit post. About to put the sheets that could walk on their own but might crumble to pieces in the machine. Thank you so much both for the support. I’m needing a big leg up this week not to end up like friday. 💜🤗😘

[Faith-and-Hope]

You’re doing it @Teej ..... 👍

💜🤗💐💕