Fragile

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom  I don’t know if I appreciate weird because I am weird, or because it gives me some strange kind of comfort in being different, when sometimes I’d like to fit in to the delusional normal.

I have the support of one person. I can’t go over and over my story and history, and the 12 sessions repeat is too stressful. I’ve needed slow/stop one person approach. Trust issues, along with all the others. I believe in the power of one, but finding a good fit has taken a long and very painful time. It’s not perfect, nothing is, but support is valuable. 

Facing abuse and neglect is a huge undertaking. It’s ( for me ) woven in and through everything, even though I hear the words, you are not what happened to you, in part, it annoys me, because ( for me ) it filters through everything, even when I’m unaware.

Anyway, I might be off topic and reading too much into it.

I appreciate you. I don’t say much, but think a lot. 💜💜💕💕

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom  I forgot to mention, I’m reading a good book atm, you might already know or have read it. Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors by Janina Fisher.

It sounds all about DID, but it’s not. It’s about the parts of all trauma survivors. You might be interested in a read. It’s in the library down this way, so might be up your way too. 💜💜💕💕☕️☕️☕️

[outlander]

@Appleblossom
sending lots of love and hugs 💜❤

[Appleblossom]

@outlander 

Your quality shines through.@Maggie It helps.

Thats right, I think it is finally a settling within and being left with what is me.  I am not just my story, its part of me, but I am something more.

[Zoe7]

Haven't resd back posts @Appleblossom - had a very tough day but wanted to acknowledge that you are certainly not just your history, not just your story - you are YOU and whilst the past influences who we are it does not define us - and you have worked so hard to overcome so much and that takes inner strength. Believe in the light that is within you and keep allowing the wonderful person you are to shine through. Belief is something we often lack but what we so readily need - believe in YOU because you are enough 

[Maggie]

@Appleblossom  Thinking of you.

[eth]

Hi @Appleblossom   Warm wishes from me too.  I am finding that having supports is helping me get my act together and see a lot more progress.  Just sayin'.  It's not necessarily an either/or situation.  Lots of love xx

[Appleblossom]

Hugs @eth It is good you have hope and some things are available. 

It would be better if it were a natural part of the social fabric, but it is becoming part of the medical system.  So that is the way it is.  

For me, making and keeping the appointments keeps me busy and is a way of deflecting disappointment, despair and SI.  

@Maggie  Hugs and Thank you.  I keep seeing your warm gentle presence floating around the forum.  Though religion has fewer supporters these days, and has been problematic in my life, I am still drawn to people who have the depth it encourages

@outlander Gentle kiss on the cheek.  Not less or more than a hug, but feeling your struggle with physical issues. The ongoing presence of good people is a new and healing experience for me, as those in my real life were stretched too thin.

My gp wants me to go back to when my family was normal.  She is a darling, but not sure normal is where it is at.  Nerdy Me goes straight to the Bell normal curve in stats.  Historically the pressures on my family have been significant.  Best I come up with is normal human reactions and coping mechanisms to abnormal life events.  So I tend to relate to women who have done and remember or value some maths, which is not as common as all that.

[Shaz51]

hugs @Appleblossom 

[outlander]

thanks @Appleblossom
we're always here for you, and I do hope that youll continue to find those good people offline too. im not really sure there is a 'normal' but I do like what you've written 'normal human reactions and coping mechanisms to abnormal life events' that is a good way to put things 💜💜💜