Lived Experience Forum

[Darce]

Morning everyone!

So 7 years and 2 diagnoses later, I've come to accept that BPD is a real part of my life.

I'd love to know how others decided on what form of therapy they decided to take with the same diagnosis....DBT, CBT etc.

I am prepared to make the big commitment, but want to make sure I've heard others' learned experiences as part of my assessment.

Thank you and have a great day x

[tyme]

Hey @Darce !

Great to have you with us! I’m always thrilled and excited when a borderline connects on the forums. I have BPD and although it’s been hard, it’s been such an incredible journey.

I didn’t choose what therapy I had. I had very thorough assessments done by a BPD specialist clinic and they recommended 18 months of mentalisation based therapy (both group and individual) along with a few months of psychoeducation. I didn’t really know what I was in for. However, towards the end of the 18 months, I realised things had changed - my thinking changed, my ability to mentalise changed, my self-harm stopped, my rages reduced significantly.

I cant even explain how the therapy changed my brain, but it did. It was hard hard work though. Many tears, confronting many demons, putting myself out there to be vulnerable. Yet it was worth it. 

Nowadays, life couldn’t be better. Having BPD has been the most incredible teacher. I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.

Although my main therapy was MBT, I also engaged in elements of DBT, CBT and ACT with a different therapist.

If you go for DBT, I hope you can do the full treatment and not just bits of it. The full treatment involves group and individual and runs for about 6-18months. The group therapy is the hardest, but that’s where things move. Otherwise if you are doing bits and pieces of DBT, I’m not sure you can say you’ve done DBT. DBT is very much skills based where you learn a skill then you go home and practice the skill. MBT is not like that, but I don’t know how to explain it. You don’t learn specific skills in MBT.

However, even if you learn a few DBT skills, it’s better than nothing.

BPD is a very treatable condition. I look forward to hearing how you go.

[tyme]

Hey @Darce ,

How are you going? I was popping in to say hi and to check-in with you. 

Hope you are okay.

[tyme]

Hi @Darce ,

Just checking how you are going?

[Darce]

HI there tyme.

Thanks so mush much for reaching out and chasing me. It is valued.

I'm feeling really emotional today, triggered by some troubles I am having with an old friend. Everything just feels so full on, and hurtful, and I can't escape it.

[tyme]

Hey @Darce ,

I'm so sorry to hear that today has been so difficult. 

I hope 'chasing' you was okay. By connecting on the forums, I hope you are able to share some of your experiences and get some insight into what's happening for you.

I want you to know you are not alone. Is there anything you want to chat about?

[Darce]

Knowing that someone (you) understands what this is like, and also understanding that what its like not being able to respond sometimes is super sweet.

Thank you!

I guess that I'm feeling so bloody hurt and unheard, in general. It's like I'm being smothered with anxiety and I cannot shake it. 

I want to drink my body weight in booze and deal with the consequences tomorrow.

I'm resisting that urge, for now.

[Darce]

Yesterday was an awful day. Today is lovely. In many ways, that's BPD right there.

[edited by moderator]

I took an antihistamine and slept for 8.5 instead.

It was my usual distressing dream-filled sleep. But it was sleep.

I woke up and was stressed about how was I feeling.anti

Do I still feel shit?

Am I still overwhelmed with such acute emotions that make basic existence intolerable?

I had a cup of tea and a cigarette. (How can I give these things up?!)

I put my headphones on and played a true crime podcast and rode through the forest with the dogs for 90 minutes.

Its a beautiful morning where I am.

I came back, made a coffee and sat staring into the nature.

And everything was OK.

Everything is OK.

I'm not consumed.

I can smile.

Yesterday's episode was just that.

Yesterday.

And so today I want to thank @tyme and @Doog for their support and for my two firends that I confided in last night who were just there for me.

What a relief.

Have a great day everyone.

x

[tyme]

Welcome to the world of BPD! One moment UP, another moment DOWN... then in between the ROUND AND ROUNDS! @Darce 

I can sure relate. And when people ask why, there's really nothing to answer them. It is what it is....

During my BPD days, if someone typed a full stop (.) at the end of a message to me, it would trigger me because to me, a full stop meant 'shut up... go away"

If someone closed the door and I was on the other side, I fly off in a mess because 'they were keeping secrets from me'...

Our brains are very unique lol.

Have you tried any talking therapies? @Darce 

[tyme]

How are things today @Darce ? I had an angry BPD day today... 

As well as I am, I still have days like this. I wish I could rewind and change today, but I can't. So I've just go to go with the flow. 

Hope you are okay. Looking forward to hearing from you.