Girl says she’s not ready for a relationship even though we have been talking for weeks and made out.

[JustARandomUser]

context: She is moving a way in a few months, never had a boyfriend, never even had a first kiss until me

So there’s this girl which I have been talking to for weeks on weeks, we’ve hung out a few times and our most recent one being at a party we went too. The entire night her and I were sitting together, cuddling and at one point we went away from the party and walked along the beach as it was a beach party and held hands and I asked her if I could kiss her and we did and made out.

Fast forward a few days later: we hangout again to talk about the night but she says that a relationship will not work at this stage for her because of herself, not me but her. She said that she fears when she is vulnerable and does not like it when people come close to her. That night she said that she likes me and all but I’m confused because I’m worried that something bad changed her mind. I told her I respected her decision and did not push for a relationship. But stil lately, it’s like we went back to before the kiss happened just talking stage again. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, she’s like a really kind person and even upfront about the fact that she felt like she was leading me on and she did not like that, but then she also told me that if she wasn’t moving away for Uni, she’d love for something to happen. I’m not really sad because I’m glad that something did at least happen but it’s just the thought of what could have been that gets me. Really need some help or advice please.

[tacocat]

Hi @JustARandomUser 

Just wanted to quickly welcome you to the forums 🙂 I'm sure our members will offering you advice soon. It's a bit late where I am, so maybe in the morning there will be some helpful replies for you.

See you around the forums!

[Alisse]

HI @JustARandomUser 

It sounds like you're navigating some complex feelings, and I can understand why you'd be feeling a mix of emotions. I've had my far share of not knowing what's going on in some relationships and it's difficult.

Sometimes, people need space to figure out what they're ready for, and it can be hard to know how to respond when their words or behaviour seem to change.  

But, I want to acknowledge that you did the right thing and treated her with respect when you asked her consent to kiss her. You also showed respect for her boundaries of not being ready for a relationship, which shows great maturity and care for her feelings, this is challenging when your'e also feeling confused.  

It may help to focus on the positive moments you have together and to remind yourself that, even if things don't develop into a relationship right now, that doesn't diminish the connection you share.

I encourage you to be honest with her about your feelings, but also give her the space she needs as she prepares to move for uni. 

It's ok to feel a sense of "what could have been" that's natural, especially when your've shared something meaningful like that first kiss.

When it comes to relationships there's always uncertainties, being vulnerable and taking things one step at a time is all I can suggest.

KIndly Alisse

[MJG017]

Hi @JustARandomUser, welcome to the forum.  I understand it must be difficult and confusing right now.  I can't really thing of more to add on top of what @Alisse already wrote.  You said she was moving away for uni, so she probably just wants to not get to involved out of fear that something strong may develop only to have to give that up when she moves away.  Plus, from what you wrote, it all sounds like it's very new to her, so it might be just as difficult and confusing to hear as well.

I can't argue with anything you've done, you've been respectful and understanding.  As hard as it may be if this goes not further with her, then trust yourself to do what's right.  I that means she moves away as a good friend, then that's just how it has to be.  You never know, things change, people change and she might decide later that she wants to revisit this with you if you're still available.  Thinking about what could of been is hard and only natural for anyone.  So let her know how you feel without putting any pressure on and just stay friends for now.  It may change later, it may not, but better a friendship than having no future contact I think.

[arealTasmanian]

Its time to let go buddy. I struggled with that when I was younger. You put so much time and effort into something. But sometimes you just have to learn the lessons and move on xx

[tyme]

Hey @arealTasmanian ,

Welcome to the forums 🙂